We have been on birth watch here for the last few days. I’ve had my camera bag packed to the brim with every single thing I could possibly need. I’ve checked it a million times, went away and left it alone and came back and checked it again.
My poor family suffered the most because while I waited I fidgeted. I pulled out my camera and chased the light, I followed them around like the paparazzi shooting anything and everything in my path. I fiddled with the setting and different ways to shoot an image in my head and then I would go back and start all over again on another subject. I think eventually they just phased me out and I became white noise to them, sitting in the corner clicking away and fiddling with the settings.
We have kept close to home just hanging out and not making too many plans and I have to admit it has been kind of nice to just chill out and relax before Luigi returned to work today. We have enjoyed lazy sleep ins and leisurely breakfasts and at times we have even managed to sit still long enough to watch a movie on tv.
I just can’t begin to describe how it feels to be waiting for the call to come to the hospital when it’s not you doing all the work. I literally just feel sick to my stomach, every time. Everything happens so quickly and you only get one chance at this, just one. If you stuff it up the moment is gone.
I get such a natural high shooting these things, being surrounded by the newborn love and all that mushy stuff. I think this is the one reason alone that Luigi seems to support all of these crazy thoughts that I want to give this birth photography thing a real go of it and make a career out of the highly unpredictable, not family friendly work choice. Because maybe one day I’m going to come home with the new born glow and he is going to sweep me off my feet and convince me to have another baby and that will be the end of our very perfect story. But I have to tell him now, it’s just not going to happen. Not on my watch.
Note to self: Take some stuff out of your camera bag it is really, really heavy.
Last year went by so quickly and I feel like I missed so much, like the kids grew so much. This year I’m determined to take back the moments and find a little bit of balance in our lives. This year I dont want to just live in the moment I want to press the button and capture it as well. So I’m starting right here with the 52 project.
Effie: the baby sitter – constantly surrounded by children – a natural mother and loving sister
Josceline: the creator – always with a tool in her hand, her next master piece waiting in front of her
Violet: the wander – lives her life in constant chaos,always hungry, always searching for food
Abigail: the apple of our eyes – perfect in every way, mostly happy and content, exploring the world with her eyes wide open
Everyday we make scarifies for our partners, our children, our family network around us. But how many of us actually take the time out to step back and look at the big picture and reward ourselves.
This year has been huge for us. Returning home to the territory has definitely had it’s ups and downs but most of all it’s brought us together as a family. It’s given us space to breathe and to let our children explore the world around them and for us to sit back and watch them grow. Luigi has been giving for years, selflessly putting the rest of our family in front of his own needs and wants and he has worked bloody hard to make sure we have everything we could ever need.
He has recently taken a step back from the corporate life and is now enjoying a new job with a better schedule and a few of the rewards. One of those rewards was purchasing his own boat to go out and do what he loves best, fish. It arrived a few weeks ago and we have been waiting patiently for Luigi to have a day off work and for the weather to be just right and finally today it happened.
Our first run went incredibly well and despite the rain clouds we couldn’t have asked for better weather. The water was perfect, the kids were well behaved and the fish, well they were smart enough to stay away AND the man. Well just look at him. He was in his element. Doing something he loves, ticking off boxes and working his way towards the dream life he was created for our family. It felt so incredibly amazing to be out there on the water as a family, just enjoying life.
I just can’t imagine what a monumental moment this must have been for Luigi. He was just grinning from ear to ear and I don’t think we could have wiped it off his face even if we tried. It’s more than a boat. It’s a life change, it’s the way we see our future and I have to tell you now today it looks pretty darn good.