It’s late and I should be in bed but I wanted to write this down before I forget. Just 6 days later and I’ve already forgotten so much.This journey feels so surreal. Almost like it never happened.

On Tuesday afternoon after repacking my hospital bag a million times we dropped by the pool and said goodbye to the kids and made our way to town to prepare for the arrival of baby number four.

We checked into our hotel, showered and put on fancy clothes and walked hand in hand to dinner just down the road. We indulged fine food and coca cola, we soaked up the alone time and enjoyed what might be our very last night out, just the two of us for a very long time. After dinner we walked back to our hotel, changed into our pyjamas, crawled into bed and turned on the tv not having a clue what tomorrow would bring.

I knew I needed a good nights sleep so I went to bed early but at 3am dispute my best efforts I was wide awake. I lay there in bed for ages waiting for sleep to come but it never did so when the sun came up I pulled myself out of bed and made sure everything was ready for our trip to the hospital.

We skipped breakfast and arrived on the ward to check in at 7am just as we had been told earlier that week, being cheeky and asking the midwives where we check in for the day.

We’d never done this before and didn’t know what to expect. We’d been told I would have a check up and they would insert the gel and would most likely send us away..instead they decided I should have my waters broken and the drip started shortly after. It was done before I knew it had even happened and I guess you could say the show was well and truly on the road.

Breakfast was ordered and I joked about how I wanted an epidural on the side and it was all a waiting game from then on in. The nurse said she was more then happy to give me an epi with breakfast but I said I was happy to wait, I’d never had one before and wasn’t sure if I would need it now, I just wanted to make sure it was an option from the get go.

She stood there in front of me and said the only thing about having an epidural is I don’t want you to ask for it and say I wish I didn’t have an epidural. I laughed and said trust me if I’m I’m actually asking for an epidural and I don’t make it in time the old thing ill be saying is I wish I asked for it sooner.

Things were pretty boring throughout the morning. I was having contractions but they weren’t what I would call painful. I remember the nurse standing there asking me if it hurt and I simply said not really and she looked a little shocked. But to me this was totally normal.

Luigi sat in the corner playing games on his phone, occasionally taking calls for work and I caught up on an episode of greys anatomy, I had barely finished the episode but I was physically exhausted and knew I needed rest. I didn’t want to risk having an attack from my menieres and bringing on a dizzy spell.

So in between contractions I caught up on as much sleep as I could hoping it would be enough to keep it at bay. Eventually the pain got worse and Luigi must have spotted it too because there he was by my side. We discussed my options and I decided to try the morphine. Luigi said it gave you an amazing feeling but while I found it took the edge off the pain it didn’t do what I needed it to do. Later on I tried the gas and while the gas helped me to regulate my breathing the pain was quite intense and it wasn’t doing enough.

By this time even though I was doing my best to rest I was exhausted and the dizziness and the titinus in my ears had set in. I was able to control the dizziness eventually but my hearing was shot and it felt like a smoke alarm was going off in my head.

The nurse was right in front of me talking and I couldn’t hear a thing. I asked Luigi for my phone and started typing. I couldn’t focus on an attack and give birth at the same time, it just wasn’t possible. I managed to get out that I need something more for the pain, I wanted an epidural.

So they did. The anaesthesiologist was there before I knew it. The pain was intense but the dizziness bothered me more and all I wanted to do was close my eyes and wash it away so that’s what I did. Luigi held me in place while they worked their magic.

I remember it was just before lunch and Luigi was by my side and the rest all seems like a big fuzzy dream. The epidural did what I wanted it to do, it allowed me to rest.I would wake up occasionally in a little pain and see Luigi there by my side holding my hand or rubbing my back. I remember waking up once and he wasn’t there but it was only for a second, it was late and they must have ordered him out to find food other then that he never left my side, he did an amazing job and I couldn’t have done it without him.

Before I knew it. Luigi was there in front of me telling me it was time to push. I could feel the sensation but didn’t feel I had the energy to push so every time a contraction hit he would be there telling me it was time, urging me on. I remember lying there thinking I don’t feel a single bit of pain, why have I never done this before, what an idiot you are Danielle, you should have done this years ago when you first started having children.

Before I knew it they were placing a baby on my chest. It honestly didn’t feel real. I looked at Luigi and said is it really a girl and he smiled and said it sure is. He had the biggest grin on his face I knew she was going to break his heart over and over again. We named her Abigail Grace, she weighed in at 9.1 and was just perfect.

After everything was done I was suddenly starving and realised I hadn’t eaten since breakfast so the nurses brought me food and I requested ice, lots and lots of ice. Eventually my ears stopped ringing and the dizziness had stopped completely and I was given the all clear so I handed her over to rest.

Later that night we were moved to the ward and after kicking Luigi out the door and sending me home to rest Abigail was taken to the special care unit and I was instructed to rest. She was brought into me later that night for a feed and then I didn’t see her again until the next morning.

I didn’t lose any blood or require stitches but my iron was extremely low which explains why the combination of the morphine and epidural knocked me out and allowed me to rest between contractions.

It’s so hard to compare her labour to the others. They have all been so very different. You here so many horror stories about being induced but despite me having an attack due to my menieres I actually can not fault Abigail’s labour. It’s probably not a path I would have chosen for myself but this time around medically it was the perfect step and one I do not regret.

Almost a week in and Abigail is doing brilliantly. Just like her sisters she sleeps, she eats and she is the perfect addition to our family. Dispite all of the chaos going on around us we still find ourselves stuck in the baby bubble and I don’t think the magic is going to wear off any time soon.

the support we have received throughout this pregnancy and now early into the baby days and beyond has been amazing. Not only from people in our own lives but people we have never met through social media and other walks of life. There is seriously no way I can put into words just how much the support from every single person who reads this blog has meant. So all I can do is say Thank You, it’s been a blast and I hope you stick around for the next part of the adventure

38 weeks. What can I say other then thank god we made it. So this is me, standing on an old dirt track in front of the camera officially saying goodbye to this pregnancy and the last pregnancy I will ever experience.

My husband may go on to have more babies, many, many babies but if he chooses to do so it will be with his new wife because today I am officially closing the shop.

It’s hot today, so hot it makes my head spin and my legs buckle but I want take a moment to pause and to document this moment, just one last time. I want to remember the good, the bad and all the moments in between.

I wore this dress to parade this morning. I’m sure it was a bit out there for a heavily pregnant woman, but it was my last appearance at school and I wanted to feel more glamourous then sloth like. I felt amazing and confident and in love with my body. A girl friend even commented that I didn’t even look pregnant from behind. I’m just drumming it over in my head now but that totally means I should go out and buy it in every colour, right? It is after all not just a pregnancy item but a nursing dress too.

I feel strange. Not excited or nervous but like I’m stuck in a time warp watching life to go by. The realisation of what has happened over the last nine months and what we are about to do has not sunk in. It feels un natural to be arriving at the hospital and not being in full on labour and practically checking in to have a baby.

At times this journey has been long and hard, there have been days where I didn’t think I could get out of bed but I’ve done it. We have done it. Tomorrow I say goodbye to this journey and start a whole new one. Tomorrow is a brand new day.

A few weeks ago while we were on holidays I had a moment of weakness while shopping with my sisters. They were all in the change room trying on new swimmers and I thought to myself why am I trying to squeeze into this ugly maternity swimsuit when I could spend the next few weeks looking and feeling good in something fabulous. I called the shop assistant over and we walked around gave her my requirements {big boobs/ good support, transition from maternity to breastfeeding, good quality} and then walked around the shop picking a few different styles in different colours. Ten minutes later I walked out of the shop sporting a brand new bikini with my wallet feeling a hell of a lot lighter.

I’ve had a funny feeling about this week. That this journey is coming to an end faster then we realise and I just knew deep down this week was going to creep up and kick me in the arse and Oh boy, has it done just that.

I really wanted to capture a few raw images of my belly, bikini and all before this pregnancy comes to an end so earlier in the week while Mum & Dad were entertaining the kids I snuck off to one of my secret spots to do just that.

My belly just seems to be getting bigger and bigger and it’s all baby, there is seriously nothing else to me and I have no idea how this kid can just keep on growing but each day it just seems to keep on going. I really wish I’d got my act together and taken these photos last week because this week pregnancy has really hit  my face is starting to look a little tired, my legs have doubled in size and my ankles are disappearing fast, the joys of pregnancy. At 37 weeks I guess I can’t really complain can I.

The girls brought me this dress for christmas and it’s so light and comfortable that I bribed my sister to tell me where it came from and I seriously could have found the motivation to walk down the hill and buy ten more.

In this moment of peace I wonder about our journey and how this pregnancy really has stretched me to my limits in more ways then I thought possible and how the arrival of this new baby will change our lives and do we know exactly what we have got ourselves into.

I bump into people on the street and they talk about how hard life is going to be and how crazy life with four kids is but I honestly have never felt that with any of our kids and truly believe it comes down to your temperament and your form of parenting style. If you are a cool, calm and collected person that is exactly what your children are going to pick up on too, if you stress about every detail and focus on all of the negatives in life then it’s not really anybodies fault but your own.

 This year I’m discovering more and more that life is about balance and how you control it. Balance in your home, balance in your marriage and balancing the world around you and if all else fails..the land of wishful thinking is a magical little world to live in, right?

FYI – The swimmers were totally worth the investment.

It has been awfully hot up here the last few days. In fact it’s been so hot that most days we get out of bed at 8:30 {I know, lucky ducks} and we reach for the air con remote. Today however it’s overcast and almost pleasant so I threw the kids in the car, turned the tv on and set off down the road to find a new spot to take a few photos for this weeks bump watch.

My helpful photographer would have much rather stayed in the car to watch the movie but I bribed her with chocolate once Violet was down for a nap and she happily got out of the car.

I’m feeling a lot better about things this week both mentally and physically, like I’ve found my centre again. I believe this due to a large chunk of relaxing thanks to Mum and Dad looking after the kids these past few weeks. The baby seems to have moved down a little and I can actually breathe again which is a huge relief as it certainly makes moving around a lot easier.  I had a really good, down to earth chat with my obstetrician last week and I came out feeling a lot better about what may or may not eventuate over the next few weeks and I’m 100% confident that no matter what road we choose to take everything is going to work out just fine.

We still have a few weeks until this baby is due to arrive and I’m already starting to feel a few little movements that have made me go “ouch” down below and I’ve never had that before. I’ve always had very painless labours until we were in full term labour and ready to rock and roll. So I have to say this scares and excites me at the same time. I guess only time will tell.

Just in case I purchased some clothes for the baby last week and some ugly underwear for me,  my bags have been packed and we finally made a decision on the pram & car seat which is due to arrive early next week.

Last weekend Mum & Dad took the kids away to the beach so instead of lazing around the house all day in my pyjamas, which would have been a much smarter idea I rang my hair dresser and scored a last minute appointment that day. I then drove to town and spent the next four hours at the hair dressers making myself feel beautiful again, with a new baby on the way who knows how long it will be until I next find myself at the hairdressers. Luigi rang me at 3:30 wondering where I was and make sure I wasn’t giving birth alone on the side of the road.

With the weather being so warm I’m fast running out of ways to dress my ever growing bump and I fear it’s only going to get worse. Due to having to take insulin four times a day I have officially given up on pants and moved onto shorts and dresses. I actually stumbled across this magnificent dress by Emerson just before christmas when I walked into BigW after a doctors appointment.

It’s not a style I would usually go for but it looked so light and comfy and it definitely had plenty of room to grow with me over the last few weeks of my pregnancy and well into those hot days when we arrive in Darwin next month. There was a few different choices so I picked up one and then two in a size bigger then I was wearing and left the more daring print for somebody a little braver.  This dress was a serious bargain at $15 and probably the best money I have spent on clothes this whole pregnancy.

The last few weeks have been really tough. Being pregnant at Christmas time is the worst thing I could ever imagine. The food, the wine, all of the end of year parties, the general happiness of the end of the year and actually having enough energy to remove myself from the couch and enjoy it all. Oh boy, it sure has been a struggle.

My diabetes levels have been up and down and I’ve had a few adjustments but I’m generally feeling o.k most of the time. Mum and Dad have been around the last few weeks so its been a huge help to have them entertaining the kids and to take over the breakfast shift.

We have now hit 35 weeks and my medical appointments have now moved to weekly which means I’m spending at least three hours a week at the hospital. Our last scan showed baby is measuring two weeks ahead and with my size and the babies size the doctors are now talking induction as early as next week. I’m not sure how I feel about this just yet and I’ve managed to buy myself some time and see how I go over the next few weeks.

I’ve always enjoyed pregnancy but I have to say this one has totally taken it out of me and I may have just reached my limit. The diabetes has really put a downer on the whole baby making process and sucked the love right out of me. Everything feels very tight and I feel like my insides are bruised and there is just no more room to grow.

I remember being pregnant with the other girls and loving every moment, the kicks, the flutters, the feeling of excitement that we are creating a life. This time around I just say to myself I can not wait for this pregnancy to be over and start the next phase.

Induction isn’t my chosen choice of labour but right now I’m open to all options and I’m happy just to see how I go on my own as long as its healthy for myself and this baby to do so. I have never heard anything good about induction and I have always had smooth, stress free labours so i guess thats why I’m a little skeptical. The end goal is coming out of this journey with a happy, healthy baby and if luck is on my side..a baby who doesn’t have a head the size of a watermelon!

Wearing:

Singlet 1: Emerson from BigW $6

Singlet 2: Cotton Cotton $5

Skirt: Impulse buy in Sydney

Necklace: Christmas present from the girls

Shoes: Rubi Shoes $5

It feels like the weeks are rolling by so fast now and everything {including my body is in over drive} the medical appointments have increased to weekly and I feel like it’s a constant juggling act shuffling the kids and getting in and out of town. It’s still incredibly hot here and I find when I’m getting dressed in the morning the only thing on my mind is comfort.

These photos are technically  a little late due to being in holiday mode and were actually taken last week at 33 weeks because tomorrow were graduating to 34 weeks. The count down is officially ON!

One item of clothing I’m loving right now is the six way dress. I have officially put myself on a spending ban until the end of my pregnancy and this little gift from fertile mind could not have come at a better time. I love that it can be worn so many ways and it’s just so comfortable for wearing in and out of the house.

Wearing:

Top: Emerson singlet $6

Skirt: 6 way dress

Necklace: A birthday gift from my sister.