I feel lost and I’m not sure how to find my way back. I haven’t blogged properly in over four weeks and so much has happened since then. Beth suggested I start at the beginning So that’s exactly what I shall do.
Here’s a few things floating around inside my head.
I had an awesome time in Melbourne wandering the streets and losing myself in the city. I attended four big events and meet so many amazing people, I even met some lovely people who read my blog {hello}.
Sadly I came home exhausted and with influenza. I then past it onto the kids and hardly left the house for two straight weeks. Melbourne I’m not sure I can forgive you.
Luigi came home for two days, cooked me food and looked after us all and then he left again.
I felt ripped off and frustrated. It wasn’t fair, two days isn’t enough. So two days later I packed the kids in the car and drove 1000km up north to spend a few days together as a family.
A double bed is not big enough when you have to share with a baby who hogs the bed let alone your husband.
I use to love my alone time when hubby worked away. Now a days I don’t like it at all. I miss my husband and I want back up at the end of the day.
The silliest things annoy you when you don’t get a break. Like..the kids sitting there eating cruskits with their mouths open, so annoying. And when they leave their pajamas on the couch this usually wouldn’t bother me but the other day it really did and the whole always wanting mcdonalds thing. My kids usual don’t even like mcdonalds but lately it’s like they have it on the brain and I can’t shut it off. No girls we are not getting mcdonalds for dinner or breakfast or lunch.
Yesterday I sat at the lights heading into the city and in front of me stood the hospital where my husband spent so much time the last eight months. I felt sick in my stomach and wanted to cry at the sight of the building, all the emotions of the last few months really hit me. I never want to have to go back there.
Yesterday at brunch I heard the word cancer float across the table and that’s it there and then I was lost in my emotions, not able to shake them off or find my way back.
I wonder how long it will be until we feel ok again. Until I can sit back and not worry about what tomorrow might bring or if we will always be on edge of our seats waiting hoping it never returns but always alert just in case it does.
Teething really sucks. I’m not enjoying it at all. Violet has three teeth and her third one is giving us a bit of grief. It’s absolutely huge. We tried an amber teething necklace but it didn’t work or I couldn’t tell if it was working so I took it off.
I’m not motivated to clean my house or make dinner or get out of bed in the morning. I feel totally out of whack with my life and my head and I just don’t feel like me.
I’ve declared to myself that August just isn’t my month. Maybe September will be better. I hope I find my way back soon. I miss me. I miss my family. I miss enjoying my kids and having passion for life and most of all I want to feel like excited about the day to day things again and excited to start each day..because each day really should be a new adventure.
Melissa *Suger Coat It*
on Aug 25th, 2011
@ 6:37 pm:
Oh hun. Just keep pouring it out. Sooner or later what you are missing will come back. Not to mention the whole after effect of the flu will wear off…
Love. BIG love. xo
[Reply]
flowersinmywords
on Aug 25th, 2011
@ 6:40 pm:
I hate it when people say, "I know exactly what you mean" so I won't say that but I will say that I empathise. I'm ready to write off 2011 as one of the toughest years yet!
I hope you find your way back soon too. September is a good month – the beginning of warmer, less sick people ridden, life. I say we write off August together and give September a shot.
I enjoy reading your blog and aspire to having such a beautiful blog myself.
Good luck!
[Reply]
Rhi @ Hummingbird's Song
on Aug 25th, 2011
@ 6:46 pm:
Dan, you've had so much stress and pressure this year that it was bound to come to a head. It's OK, let it out, and everything will start to come back and normalise. We're all here for you sweetheart xx
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Katie
on Aug 25th, 2011
@ 6:47 pm:
Being sick really does take it out of you, so much more when there is still mundane things to do : ( You guys have had a big year, your allowed a cry or two.
Hope September loves you more than August, I've missed your lovely posts xx
[Reply]
Jo - Dusty Plum
on Aug 25th, 2011
@ 6:50 pm:
Give yourself a break Dani, as in, give yourself credit for how tough you have it. Three kids on your own most of the time, a baby for cryin' out loud, one in school, one in kinder (?) and a baby .. a baby! You have had an extremely difficult year. Just be kind to yourself, and do try to do something for yourself, for time out. Put Vi in daycare for one day a week (at least!) and do some exercise, yoga, walking, just being alone and re-charging. XX
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Tara
on Aug 25th, 2011
@ 7:04 pm:
yes, write off this month and look forward to next month. hope you're back on track soon xx
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Rhianna
on Aug 25th, 2011
@ 7:59 pm:
fairy wishes and butterfly kisses to you beautiful lady, hang in there I know you can see the light even if you don't think so right now.
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Hayley
on Aug 25th, 2011
@ 8:29 pm:
Everybody has those times in life and boy you deserve to be feeling a little flat and out of whack! I don't know how you do it all and if you ever need anything you know I will be there in an instant. September will be your month I am sure xx
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Kathryn
on Aug 25th, 2011
@ 9:04 pm:
Much love sweetheart. It sounds like you've been having a rough time. I hope everything improves soon xxx
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Kath, Mark, Ruby and Max.
on Aug 25th, 2011
@ 9:19 pm:
Oh darlin, lots of love to you. You have had a nightmare run of sickness these last couple of weeks. Not to mention that your greatly adored husband has had a very serious illness; you've moved house in the last twelve months; you have a baby who is teething and and and. YOu've got a lot on your plate. Be kind to yourself. Sometimes it's ok to throw yourself on the bed and wail. For a short while.
Write August off. Wallow a little bit longer and start preparing for a sunny, fabulous September. I hope you're all gobsmackingly healthy very soon – too much sickness can bring you down.
I'm sure you'll get your bounce back soon lovely. In the meantime, do what you need to do to look after yourself.
sending you peace and love xxxx
[Reply]
Melissa
on Aug 25th, 2011
@ 9:40 pm:
Oh Dan,
I don't know how you've held it together at all, it all sounds like so much. How long is Luigi away for when he works? That would be so hard.
Have been a bit worried about you the past week or two. I know we don't know each other, so was scared to nag, but just wanted to see if you're ok.
I'm glad you're blogging it. Keep it up, get it out.
[Reply]
cjtato
on Aug 25th, 2011
@ 10:03 pm:
We normally get to see a hint of spring by now and it hasn't come. It's been a long winter and I have noticed myself that it is having an effect on a lot of people, myself included.
Add that to everything else you're dealing with and it's no wonder you're feeling a bit lost. Especially when you are also unwell with little support.
I hope you find your way clear soon. Spring is just around the corner!
And a teething baby! Ugh! Poor little girl and poor mummy.
Hugs xxx
PS. Is it just for the Happy Meal toy? My girls always seem to want it too and then we get it they only want the bloody toy.
[Reply]
Sheri Bomb
on Aug 26th, 2011
@ 9:37 am:
Aw Dan,
You have had a rough year and from what I've seen you've been a real rock for your entire family – very admirable. BUT all of this must have taken it's toll on you and now that perhaps the worst parts are over, it's ok to not want to be that rock all the time. You deserve some time to yourself to process and to cry if you want to.
You know we are all here for you, if you need anything or with words of comfort and support.
Let it out, and I hope September brings you happier times xo
[Reply]
Deb Dane
on Aug 26th, 2011
@ 12:30 pm:
I just wanted to offer up a hug and tell you I read your post and just wanted to give you a break. Then I saw your ending and agreed with your own way to give yourself a break – write it off, let yourself off the hook and just do what you can to take care of yourself right now.
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Nina
on Aug 26th, 2011
@ 6:11 pm:
Hi Danielle,
I haven't commented before but I'm a keen reader.
I just wanted to post to say how wonderful I think you are. You've been through so much but you're still finishing this post saying "Maybe September will be better". I hope you realise how inspiring your strength is. xxxxxxxxxxx.
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Susan @ Our Mid Life
on Aug 26th, 2011
@ 11:10 pm:
I too haven't commented too much on your blog. You are a brave woman and don't be too hard on yourself. Spring and September will bring better weather.
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Kelly
on Aug 27th, 2011
@ 10:54 am:
You poor thing, you had had such a crappy month. Hope things get easier as the weather warms up xo
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Mrs BC
on Aug 28th, 2011
@ 10:16 pm:
Big hugs to you. All of these comments are spot on – you have had a rough time of it, you are entitled to feel out of whack. Hang in there chicky babe, things will be alright again.
Hey do you want to catch up & take the kids to the park one day? I'm serious, I won't let Monkeyboy terrorise your girls too much. Let me know, you know where I am
xxx
[Reply]
Tatum
on Aug 29th, 2011
@ 12:22 pm:
Oh hun, you have had a super crapola month. I am sure that September will bring some sunshine again. Hope that you get to have Luigi home for a stretch again very soon..2 days just isn't enough! Tatum xx
[Reply]
Tatum
on Aug 29th, 2011
@ 12:28 pm:
oh…and the teething…is Violet cross cutting? J was the only one who was a bad teether and she cross cut…hours at night would be spent with her rolling around on our bed inconsolable and crying
can you get something similar to the adelaide womens & childrens hospital teething gel (it's got novocain in it)? It does the job, so much better than bonjela. Tatum xx
[Reply]
CRAP Mamma
on Aug 30th, 2011
@ 11:31 am:
Oh love I so feel for you. It's shit having your hubby away and just bloody tough dealing with everything by yourself! Keep the writing coming, if anything at least it's a catharsis for you. Looking forward to catching up with you on Saturday, I'll be one of the many ready to give you a big hug, jac xxx
[Reply]
Kylez...aka...MrsP
on Aug 30th, 2011
@ 11:57 pm:
There's not really much else I can add to all the comments except to say that I hope things get better for you really soon and I hope September brings you lots of love, happiness, sunshine and in particular, good times!
[Reply]
Zoe
on Sep 1st, 2011
@ 3:17 pm:
Sickness really takes it out of you. Hopefully september will better
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Talia
on Sep 5th, 2011
@ 11:39 am:
I hope that things pick up this month. Nothing worse then being in a 'funk', and things not working right. xo
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Anonymous
on Sep 13th, 2011
@ 12:33 am:
Its the August-October blues! i feel crap around these months most years….. why? There is no big holidays ie easter christmas to build up/look forward to, getting kids to school is getting 'old', everything has become seriously routine! Have a mini break with the family, if you can't, go and have a pamper day, for you and you alone. Or start planning what your doing at Christmas give yourself something to look forward to and plan. Anyway that's my theory so big hugs to you xx
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